RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every take off is optional.  Every landing, however, is mandatory

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger.  If you pull the stick back, the houses get smaller – unless you keep pulling the stick back, then the houses will get bigger again.

3. Flying is NOT dangerous.  Crashing is the thing that’s dangerous.

4. It’s always better to be on the ground wishing you were flying than being flying and wishing you were on the ground.

5. The ONLY time you can have too much fuel is when you are on fire.

6. The propeller is actually a great big fan fitted to the front of the aircraft to keep the pilot cool.  This can be demonstrated when the fan stops.  You will notice that the pilot will then break out into a sweat.

7. When in doubt, maintain altitude.  Nobody has ever got hurt colliding with the sky.

8. A good landing is when you can walk away from the aircraft. A superb landing is when you can use it again later.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others.  You probably won’t live long enough to make a lot of them yourself.

10. You know when you have landed wheels up when it takes full throttle to taxi to the ramp.

11. Your probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of approach.  Steep angle, small chance of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let your aircraft take you to somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining you may have heard of might be another aircraft heading towards you.  Reliable sources also report that sometimes mountains hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the same as your takeoffs.

15. There are three rules for making a smooth landing.  Unfortunately, nobody knows what they are.

16. You start your career in aviation with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience.  The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters cannot fly. They can only levitate because they are so ugly that the Earth itself rejects them.

18. In an ongoing battle between aluminium objects travelling at hundreds of miles an hour over ground moving at zero miles an hour, the ground has yet to lose.

19. Good judgement comes from experience.  Unfortunately, experience comes from good judgement.

20. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end facing forward as much as possible.

21. Remember, Gravity is not just a good idea, it’s the law.  And it’s not subject to appeal.

22. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, fuel in the bowser and a tenth of a second ago.

23. Having two engines is a major advantage as it will take you to the scene of the crash faster than a single.

24. If God had of meant man to fly, he would have given us bigger wallets.

25. If you want to fight poverty and starvation, invite a flying instructor home to dinner.

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